Saturday in SF

It is just a saturday. mid-august. worked hard all week, and bouncing around the apartment doing random stuff all day. I should be on the rogue rive right now with allison and becky, but it wasn't in the cards. I work right now. I am responsible for stuff, but I can't tell you what that stuff is. confidential. ha. it is ok. and not. this is the gemini in my core. extremes, without balance. 

life is good. 35 is enlightening. moved beyond living paycheck to paycheck. eyes open to a longer term responsibility to care for myself, but still making short-term impulsive decisions. no reason not to... yet. came up with my first 5-year plane ever. haven't signed on the dotted line yet, but probably will. just trying to picture girl wonder at 40, and don't want to be disappointed or surprised when i get there. In 5 years, I want to be in a position to take advantage of whatever I can dream of. 

career has accelerated in directions i never imagined.  it makes sense tho. in some f'd up way. i spend my day with my brain spinning out of control... exciting and hard all at once. i probably wouldn't have it any other way. i have made a commitment to it for the time being. i stripped away my discretionary freedom... but still place little lights at the end of the tunnel. new zealand. january. 4 weeks to unwind and explore. in the meantime, i get more tattoos. long time coming, and I love finally catching up with where i should have been years ago. 

random day. mind running laps. should be running my body tho. hurts from neglect. wanted to type. wanted to say how good things are, but also capture the nagging unsettled. what is that about? buried deep enough that i am not able to scratch that itch right now.... 

off to BBQ.